The World's Fastest Mouth

Comic book matchups that had you scratching your head--
but still made you curious about how the fight would turn out.

Welcome to another installment in a series of posts we could only call:

Given the nature of this particular fight:

You'd think it would be over in a flash, wouldn't you?

This is another of those "misguided" fights. After escaping Magneto, Quicksilver is looking for a way to redeem himself to the Avengers in order to rejoin them--and under the impression that Spider-Man is wanted by the police, he goes after him in order to bring him to justice.

After bringing Spider-Man down to street-level, the battle begins:

Quicksilver's problem is that he always talks a good game--but the sensational abilities he's always trumpeting never seem to pay off at the end of his fights. Maybe because he's too busy talking about them, when he should be using them. It never seems to occur to him that you're nullifying your speed advantage if you're still moving slowly enough so that your opponent can hear your full sentences:

Unfortunately, Spider-Man's strength is indeed foiling Quicksilver's multiple punches--he may be seeing stars, but he's not going down for the count. If we don't examine that too closely, we could probably swallow that. Quicksilver, fast as he is, still possesses just the strength of an ordinary man--whereas Spider-Man's strength and stamina are clearly documented (if sometimes inconsistent). The problem here is that we know Quicksilver can build up enough momentum to increase the impact of his punch by many times--I mean, he's mowed down squads of soldiers, for Pete's sake.

So if his opponent is reeling--as Spider-Man obviously is--he's got plenty of time (with his speed, that's no exaggeration) to take off and build that momentum, circle back, and deliver the enhanced punch. Two or three of those, and Spider-Man's out--oh, hell, we'll make it four, just for good measure. Quicksilver won't even be winded.

But ol' fleet-foot doesn't agree with me, and tries a new tactic:

Which would work, if only it would occur to this so-called trained speedster that, if you're moving that fast in a circle, you're pretty much a stationary target--particularly if you stay within arm's reach.

Which, ridiculously, he does.

It's usually been a rule of thumb that the more Quicksilver blusters, the more certain you can be that he's going to be unconscious fairly soon. He's sometimes his own worst enemy in battle. You'd think Captain America, when he was training him, would have advised him to rein in the ego and focus more on the task at hand.

Anyway, you can guess what happens next. Once Quicksilver wakes up, Spider-Man clears things up with him, and they go their separate ways. In any sane world, Spider-Man would have been hoisted over Quicksilver's shoulder and carried into the nearest police precinct. But that will have to wait until Quicksilver's battle savvy no longer lags behind the rest of him.