Thursday, June 5, 2014

Hearts And Flowers!




I don't know how many of you are planning a June wedding--but to get you in the spirit of your pending nuptials, why don't we let take a look at some of the weddings that took place with our Marvel heroes? There's of course the wedding of Reed and Sue, Bruce Banner and Betty Ross, and Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne--but there are plenty of others who decided to tie the knot through the years--and believe it or not, most of their ceremonies came off without a hitch!

(But, just to be on the safe side, you might want to cross Dr. Doom off your guest list.)



First, it took roughly thirty years (our time, of course) for Jean Grey and Scott Summers to finally find their way down the aisle. Assuming Jean doesn't trip over Professor Xavier on her way to the altar:



Seriously, the man doesn't rate a seat with the other guests??

But it looks like someone at least shoved him over in time:



As for the ceremony itself, I laughed, I cried, I was puzzled--has anyone ever seen the minister wrap a sash around the wrists of the bride and groom?



Then there's of course Spider-Man's wedding:



Wait a minute! Of course I didn't really mean Spider-Man's wedding. Very funny. No, it was actually Peter Parker who made it to the church on time (seriously, he was running late) to get hitched to his very lovely bride, Mary Jane Watson:




I don't think Spider-Man's shadow looks very happy. Wouldn't it have been cool if it had depicted Mephisto, instead?

There were also some weddings that no one saw coming:



Whoa, fellas! How long has this been going on? Talk about a whirlwind romance! No, no, just kidding. These two are just being wistful about all the romances with their respective lady loves that never quite worked out:



The wedding these men are really off to is the one between Crystal and Quicksilver. A ceremony which at least made it look like they were in it for the long haul:




I guess now we know that a blessing from Black Bolt isn't necessarily a good luck token. Still, Black Bolt and Medusa had much better luck with their own nuptials:




If you've ever seen Four Weddings And A Funeral, and Rowan Atkinson's hilarious portrayal of "Father Gerald" and his disastrous fumbling of the names of Lydia and Bernard, you're probably very impressed at how the officiator at Black Bolt's wedding flawlessly spit out the full names of the royal bride and groom and their families. My eyes glazed over just from reading them.

Quicksilver's sister, Wanda, had a much "greener" theme to her wedding with the Vision--especially taking into account that it was a double wedding with Mantis and one of the plant-based Cotati. In addition, their officiator, Immortus, apparently prefers much less ostentation than the Inhumans:



A quickie wedding if ever I've seen one.


Finally, a much more grand wedding occurred when the Sub-Mariner finally wed the lady Dorma--and appropriately so, since it appears that a wedding for a prince doubles as a rite of succession. You'll see that Namor's officiator, Proteus, has something in common with his counterpart at Black Bolt's ceremony, in terms of balancing the secular with the recognition of history and state. But it will be something even simpler--clerical, in fact--which will prove to be Namor's salvation when an old enemy uses his wedding to entrap him:






So those of you getting hitched this month, you certainly stand in good company. Just take care that your significant other isn't really someone other than your significant other!

2 comments:

Colin Jones said...

Blackantor Boltagon and Medusalith - seriously ??!!

david_b said...

Loved Swordy and Mantis, hated when Swordy was knocked off.., but Steve E. officially went south when he wrote this.

Trite, insipid, ultimately ruining both Wanda and Vish's characters. One of most terrible shark-jumps in MU history.

Oh, and the terrible Don Heck art, nearly forgot about that.

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