Finders, Keepers

 

Slipping by the wave of issues which were branded with the Assistant Editors' Month stamp in January of 1984 was the 1983 X-Men Annual #7 (which also happened to slip by the PPC's roundup of 1983 annuals in the fall of '22). Written by Chris Claremont with art by Michael Golden (with an assist by Bret Blevins) along with inkers galore, the story makes a fine addition to the who's-running-the-asylum theme of the other AEM books whose editors were attending the San Diego Comic Con, leaving their underlings free to publish their own stories in their own way. Unfortunately for them, they become collateral damage as they're swept up with others in the X-Men's pursuit of a powerful "foe" who is engaged in a series of thefts for reasons unknown.

As we can see, however, the jig is up almost immediately, since it appears that no one thought to advise cover artist John Romita Jr. not to spill the beans on the identity of the perpetrator first thing. (Also, Mr. Romita, Cyclops doesn't appear in this story at all, but Professor X certainly does. Those asst. editors pranked you but good, didn't they?) But mum's the word, since everyone else in the issue will remain in the dark for the duration of this crazy roller coaster ride we're about to embark on.

Taking a leaf from Asst. Editor Eliot Brown, whose clever title/credits page appears at the very end of the story (which coincides with his detonation of same), we're placing it instead alongside the issue's cover, just to give you a taste of the ride you're in for in this forty-page tale. Because while the X-Men treat this "threat" with all due seriousness, you can bet that with the Impossible Man at the center of it all, the situation has the potential of spiraling beyond the control of anyone and everyone involved.

And so, starting us off: What would be the most outrageous, impossible opening scene you could think of which would impact on the X-Men's afternoon softball game? In this instance, it's a toss-up as to whether it's the apparent identity of the intruder or their actual target which is the more shocking.

Galactus, of course, makes for one huge Poppupian, given away not only by his new hue but also by his impish surprise at Storm's power. At any rate, the Impossible Man is just getting started--and while the X-Men still don't realize who they're dealing with or what's behind this "theft," for lack of a better word, they soon realize while tracking him (courtesy of the Professor's mental abilities) that others are due to be raided for items both precious and trivial.

I've no idea how the Impossible Man plans on keeping Ka-Zar's saber-toothed predator docile while he continues on what Rogue has correctly labeled his scavenger hunt; regardless, since this is the X-Men's annual, they've taken it upon themselves to track down and deal with the perp on behalf of everyone who's in his sights for scavenging, and return all the stolen property if they're successful. And since they've already rubbed Nick Fury of SHIELD the wrong way, chances are the Avengers are going to be equally unamused. Meanwhile, we find that even Dr. Strange's vaunted mystic defenses are as nothing against the efforts of one to whom nothing is "impossible."

(Colossus has only to take a glance at the bonus feature of a separate PPC post to see the extent of the Wasp's wardrobe which is probably taxing even the Fantasti-Car's capacity for transport. As for what we've seen at Strange's sanctum, I wouldn't put too much stock in Claremont's narrative concerning the window's removal having the effect we're witnessing in the panel.  Rather, this appears to be just Golden and inker Terry Austin drawing a chaotic scene for dramatic effect, leaving the writer to cobble together an explanation for it. The poor window has been breached before with only broken glass and splintered framing to show for it.)

Yet the incident at least brings a pause to the fighting at Avengers Mansion, long enough for the X-Men to make a break for it, leaving only a very confused Iron Man to pick up the pieces (and the She-Hulk) in their wake.

As for the Impossible Man's next heist--since he's visited the offices of Marvel Comics previously, it makes sense that the company's esteemed figurehead, Stan Lee, would be the ideal addition to his list of items to nick--all of which leads to a confrontation as bizarre as it is potentially dangerous.

With the situation somewhat settled, we're taken next to the stolen goods which the Impossible Man has accumulated. (I'd been hoping he'd thought to make off with Magneto's helmet--oh to have been a fly on that wall when it went down.) There are other victims, however, who arrive in force to settle things more directly with this shape-changing thief.

By this point we've learned just why the Impossible Man (along with his family of Poppupians) embarked on this contest, each selecting a planet from which to pilfer. Having read that explanation three times, it's made little sense to me as the reason we're all here, nor would it surprise me if the X-Men felt the same way. Yet there is still a winner to be chosen, which is where the Shi'ar Majestrix, Lilandra, offers to act as Judge--once she comes to terms with the hostiles who are demanding satisfaction.

To the Impossible Man's disappointment (which is putting it mildly), another in his family was judged to be the winner, the prize being to be named leader of this "clan" of Poppupians. But with the dust now settled, it's interesting to put the question to others: If you were to list the items in a scavenger hunt to be appropriated from the super-powered, what would your list end up looking like? Of course such an excursion could be moot, considering the Impossible Man is likely the only character who could get away with it. ;)

BY THE WAY...
Did you realize that the non-powered Peter Rasputin could hit a baseball into orbit? (Good to know, Mr. Golden!)