Don't Touch That Phone!

 

OR: "Hi-yo, Silllver...!"

 
After spending I don't know how much time configuring my new phone recently (remember when we only had to buy a phone off the shelf, take it home, and plug in the phone line?), I later began to think back to how often in the comics world phones had frustrated our favorite characters or otherwise been the bearer of bad news. It's the type of bits-and-pieces post that can wrack your brain in trying to recall from memory the scenes that would fall into such a category--but the diversion made for good fun, and part of the enjoyment of a scavenger hunt is the hunting, after all.

Here, then, are a few scenes where "Ma Bell" reigned supreme, and whoever was on the other end of the line wasn't very happy about it. In short, compared to spending a little time adjusting our phone settings, you and I are getting off easy.  (Unlike our friend, the Wizard.)

No doubt Peter Parker received his fair share of bad news, whether it was related to a girlfriend or news that something dire had befallen his Aunt May. In this case, suddenly sprouting four extra arms would probably make anyone curt with a loved one who wanted to go out on the town; on the other hand (heh, get it?), as often as women seem to complain about a date getting "handsy," Gwen should count her blessings that Peter didn't head right over.

Avengers can also relate to getting hung up on, whether it's through a phone headset or a video call. Take the time the team was stripped of their priority privileges just as Avengers began disappearing right and left, and nobody in official channels was taking their calls.

And when Tony Stark was having his problems with alcohol addiction, his friend James Rhodes, who began filling in for him as Iron Man, was forced to make a call on his behalf and tender Iron Man's resignation from the Avengers.

And don't think that being Captain America gives a caller any pull with the phone company, whose operators have no doubt heard it all from parties on the other end of the line.

...any more than a member of the Fantastic Four has any clout with the police department.

In fact it seems that handling callers presents more of a problem for FF members than facing down super-villains. Witness how the Invisible Girl falls to pieces while on monitor duty, just from fielding an inquiry from her son's governess:

While Reed Richards is outmaneuvered by their landlord:

(A rare win for Collins, who has often faced the music.)

Meanwhile, Luke Cage, making his business calls from a public phone booth, is just asking for trouble.

Alert reader David P. phones in with two more examples for us. First up is budding young actress hopeful Juliette D'Angelo, who's trying to reach Johnny Storm--but given who's on the other end of the phone, she's dialed a very wrong number.

(Imagine the rage of Annihilus if he'd had to deal with a smart phone.)

There's no good news in Westchester, either, where Spider-Man has made a frantic call to warn the X-Men of the threat of Arcade--but our assassin has a little warning of his own for Spidey.

But it would be Tony Stark who would win this horse race hands down, since he's on call for any emergency that threatens his company. (And brother, when it comes to Stark, a phone line ringing with bad news happens a lot.)

An honorable mention goes to Stark's close friends, Happy Hogan and Pepper Potts, whose marital problems at one point had telephones ringing off the hook.

Funny enough, Marvel itself got into the ring... er, swing of things here by putting out an annual of its promotional publication, Marvel Age, which pulled all of its characters from stories featured in 1985 and placed them in situations where they were interrupted by a ringing telephone--titled, appropriately, "Information, Please...!", as Kurt Busiek phones every group and hero on the issue's cover to solicit story material for Marvel, while each scene pulls its weight in letting the reader know what plot is currently taking place in the characters' respective books. Unfortunately, Mr. Busiek is hung up on more than once.

Naturally, the issue also includes a full rundown of ongoing plots in current issues.

BONUS!

Given the general theme here, can you name the individual carefully inserted into the back of the horde of characters pictured on the Marvel Age annual's cover? You might need your magnifying glass.

Yes, THAT'S RIGHT, it's the