Friday, January 27, 2017

Survival Of The Flirtiest

While it's true that the marriage between Betty Brant (stalwart secretary to "Daily Bugle" publisher J. Jonah Jameson) and Ned Leeds (one of Jameson's top reporters) had its ups and downs before finally coming to a tragic end, their wedding day did open the door to a priceless period of comic relief--the search for Betty's replacement at the Bugle. Heaven only knows how Betty managed to weather the wildly shifting moods and temperament of a boss like Jameson during her years as his secretary--but the fact that she did so for so long without the need for a flak jacket and a healthy supply of Xanax made her irreplaceable.

A description which, unfortunately, didn't hold true for her replacement(s).

Jameson's "wedding present" to the happy couple was to send them to Paris for their honeymoon, where Ned would assume a new post as the Bugle's foreign correspondent in the country. That meant filling Betty's now vacant post outside of Jameson's office, though it seems Betty was negligent in taking care of this not-so-small detail before her departure. (Negligent, or sadistic, depending on one's point of view.) You've probably heard employers speak of "breaking in a new secretary," though it's generally used as a trite expression since these matters tend to simply mark a period of adjustment for both the new employee and their boss; but you can probably guess that Jameson sets a new standard in this regard, with it never being quite clear which of the two combatants people is making the greater adjustment. Picture the last moments of a typical Ultimate Fighter match, with Jameson being the one left standing, and you have an idea of what our poor candidates are up against.

And so, the search begins! Who will fill Betty's shoes--and survive??


THE ODDS: Peter does a fair job of making the call.
SMART MONEY: Pringle is capable. Courteous. Accommodating. She'll fold like a tent.

Round Two: JJJ vs. MISS PLUMM

THE ODDS: Plumm has been prepped by the girls in the Steno pool. Knows what she's getting into.
SMART MONEY: There's a reason you rarely see a tense stenographer.

Round Three: JJJ vs. MRS. PRIMM

THE ODDS: Primm runs a tight ship when it comes to her office--or her employer.
SMART MONEY: Close, but no cigar.

Round Four: JJJ vs. GLORY GRANT

THE ODDS: Seeing your predecessor flee the premises in tears is never a good sign.
SMART MONEY: Glory is to people skills as JJJ is to irascibility.

DING DING DING--We have a winnah!


Anonymous said...

While Glory's charms are undeniable, I think it is more likely that
A: Jonah is being impersonated by the Chameleon, poorly
B: The Jonah that hired Glory is a clone who wasn't left in the oven long enough
C: This is the Space Phantom


Gvieto said...

Now I know how how Gloria Grant was on the Spider Man animated series. I just got to love diversity in the entertainment world. I thought I was living in the Twilight Zone again.

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