Gandalf The Grey He's Not

OR: "You! Shall! Pass!"

Good grief--a fight to the finish between Heimdall, guardian of Bifrost, and the mighty Thor!

But how? Why? And by the way, don't blink or you'll miss it!

Since this is Heimdall we're talking about, a god of Asgard who's rooted to one post all day, every day, he can usually only get into a fight one way--when someone seeks to gain entry to Asgard without his consent. But Thor is the son of Asgard's ruler, a god who's crossed Bifrost back and forth for hundreds of years and seen Heimdall so often that Thor probably tips him on his way in. "Here you go, pal--that Blu-ray of Spartacus you wanted!" We don't know what Heimdall would do with money or cigars or contraband that gods on the way into Asgard might toss his way; he's probably hoping that someone will instead give him food or something to drink.

So what transgression could Thor have made to have Heimdall drawing his sword?

Thor has obviously grown impatient with his charges, and protocol be hanged. But jeez, these two are going to "fight till the stars fall from the skies," if Heimdall has anything to say about it! Since Heimdall and Thor are immortals, they might actually be clashing for that long; of course, the queue of warriors trying to get past them either into or out of Asgard is going to be backed up awhile. "Look," one will cry, "I think I see a few stars falling! Get back on your steeds, this thing may be wrapping up!"

As for Heimdall's justification for halting Thor, we have to cry "baloney," since he's been known to look the other way when mortals are entering Asgard. Take Jane Foster's entry, for instance:

(No one's ever going to accuse you of being Natalie Portman, Jane, that's for sure.)

And there was the time another mortal sought to gain entry--a much more powerful individual, but still mortal.

We don't know quite what it is about mortals that makes the Asgardians so perturbed about their entry into Asgard. Mortals, after all, used to worship the Asgardians and thus helped to secure their place into the pantheon of gods--yet now the Asgardians seem to treat them with complete disdain. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!

Still, there's apparently no use in pointing out to Heimdall the times he's bent his little rule of barring mortals from getting the nod to proceed into Asgard, because this time he means it, brother. And since Thor basically throws the first punch, the battle is on!

For about five seconds!

It looks like Thor has gained quite the reputation for nobility in Heimdall's eyes over the years for the guardian to fold so quickly. Regardless, those of us who took this issue's cover seriously are crying out, "Jip! Jip! 60¢ for this?"

Since the rest of this issue doesn't really make up the change, we'll have to substitute another confrontation that had Heimdall going the distance, or at least trying to--for all the good it did him. He might want to reconsider his opinion on mortals, considering that one of them put him flat on his backside and demonstrated that even gods have something to learn about might.

Y'know, Heimdall, for a guardian, you seem to have the words "I yield!" down pat!